there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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