Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
