You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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