just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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