Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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