All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
