i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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