There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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