do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What a dumb baby whore.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
