Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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