I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
