I smell stomach acid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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