just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
