Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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