My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
