Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
