could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
