Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
