apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
