i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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