I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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