She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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