Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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