ya dads aren't the best wingmen
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
