Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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