How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
