I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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