Where did you get a picture of my penis
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
