he was CRYING into my vagina
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
