Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
