So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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