It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
