who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
