SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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