Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
