I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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