Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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