I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
