I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
