I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
