oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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