East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
