is your mom at the bar?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
