you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
