Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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