We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Houston, we have a squirter
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
