No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
