yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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