Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
