He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
